ABA OCRAN WITH HUMOURS AND WISDOM
SOME HUMOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Lesson 1:A man is getting into the shower just as his wife is finishing up her shower, when the doorbell rings.
The wife quickly wraps herself in a towel and runs downstairs.
When she opens the door, there stands Bob, the next-door neighbor.<p> </p>Before she says a word, Bob says, 'I'll give you $800 to drop that towel.'<p> </p>After thinking for a moment, the woman drops her towel and stands naked in front of Bob, after a few seconds, Bob hands her $800 and leaves.<p> </p>The woman wraps back up in the towel and goes back upstairs.<p> </p>When she gets to the bathroom, her husband asks, 'Who was that?'<p> </p>'It was Bob the next door neighbor,' she replies.<p> </p>'Great,' the husband says, 'did he say anything about the $800 he owes me?'Moral of the story If you share critical information pertaining to credit and risk with your shareholders in time, you may be in a position to prevent avoidable exposure
Lesson 2:A priest offered a Nun a lift.
She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to reveal a leg.
The priest nearly had an accident.<p> </p>After controlling the car, he stealthily slid his hand up her leg.<p> </p>The nun said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'<p> </p>The priest removed his hand. But, changing gears, he let his hand slide up her leg again.The nun once again said, 'Father, remember Psalm 129?'<p> </p>The priest apologized 'Sorry sister but the flesh is weak.'<p> </p>Arriving at the convent, the nun sighed heavily and went on her way.<p> </p>On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to look up Psalm 129. It said, 'Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory.'Moral of the story:If you are not well informed in your job, you might miss a great opportunity
Lesson 3: A sales rep, an administration clerk, and the manager are walking to lunch when they find an antique oil lamp.
They rub it and a Genie comes out.The Genie says, 'I'll give each of you just one wish.''Me first! Me first!' says the admin clerk. 'I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.'Puff! She's gone.
'Me next! Me next!' says the sales rep. 'I want to be in Hawaii , relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and the love of my life.'<p> </p>Puff! He's gone.<p> </p>'OK, you're up,' the Genie says to the manager.The manager says, 'I want those two back in the office after lunch.'Moral of the story:Always let your boss have the first say.
Lesson 4An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.
A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, 'Can I also sit like you and do nothing?'The eagle answered: 'Sure, why not.'So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested. All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.Moral of the story:To be sitting anddoing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up
Lesson 5A turkey was chatting with a bull.
'I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree' sighed the turkey, 'but I haven't got the energy.''Well, why don't you nibble on some of my droppings?' replied the bull. They're packed with nutrients.'
The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.<p> </p>The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.<p> </p>Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.<p> </p>He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.Moral of the story:Bull Sh!t might get you to the top, but it won't keep you there.
Lesson 6A little bird was flying south for the winter. It was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground into a large field.
While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped some dung on him.
As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realize how warm he was. The dung was actually thawing him out!He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.<p> </p>Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, and promptly dug him out and ate him.Morals of the story:
(1) Not everyone who sh!ts on you is your enemy.
(2) Not everyone who gets you out of sh!t is your friend.
(3) And when you're in deep sh!t, it's best to keep your mouth shut!
LOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOL
ENJOY YOUR AFTERNOON!!!!!!!!!
2.
2.
WHEN A WOMAN LIES
One day, when a seamstress was sewing while sitting close to a river, her thimble fell into the river. When she cried out, the Lord appeared and asked, 'My dear child, why are you crying?' The seamstress replied that her thimble had fallen into the water and that she needed it to help her husband in making a living for their family.
The Lord dipped His hand into the water and pulled up a golden thimble set with sapphires.
'Is this your thimble?' the Lord asked .
The seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord again dipped into the river. He held out a
golden thimble
studded with rubies.
'Is this your thimble?' t he Lord asked. Again, the seamstress replied, 'No.'
The Lord reached down again and came up with a leather thimble.
'Is this your thimble ?' the Lord asked. The seamstress replied, 'Yes.' The Lord was pleased w ith the woman's honesty and gave her all three thimbles to keep, and the seamstress went home happy.
Some years later, the seamstress was walking with her husband along the riverbank, and her husband fell into the river and disappeared under the water. When she cried out, the Lord again appeared and asked her, 'Why are you crying?'
'Oh Lord, my husband has fallen into the river!'
The Lord went down into the water and came up with George Clooney.
'Is this your husband?' the Lord asked.
'Yes,' cried the seamstress.
The Lord was furious. 'You lied! That is an untruth!'
The seamstress replied, 'Oh, forgive me, my Lord. It is a misunderstanding. You see, if I had said 'no' to George Clooney, you would have come up with Brad Pitt.
Then if I said 'no' to him, you would have come up with my husband. Had I then said 'yes,' you would have given me all three. Lord, I'm not in the best of health and would not be able to take care of all three husbands, so THAT'S why I said 'yes' to George Clooney.
And so the Lord let her keep him.
The moral of this story is:
Whenever a woman lies, it's for a good and honorable reason, and in the best interest of others. That's our story, and we're sticking to it.
3,
3,
NEYO.JEMIE FOXX AND FABULOUS; SHE GOT HER OWN ( MA ALL TIME FAVORITE SONG)
[Jamie Foxx]
I love her cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothing in this world sexy
Than a girl that want but don't need me
Young independent, yea she work hard
But you can tell from the way that she walk
She don't slow down cause she ain't got time
To be complaining, shawty gon shine
She don't expect nothing from no guy
She plays agressive, but she still shy
But you never know her softer side
By lookin in her eyes
No way she can do for herself
Makes me wanna give her my wealth
Only kinda girl I want
Independent queen workin for her throne
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
Its cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
Its cool I got it, I got it, I got it
[Ne-Yo]
I love it cause she got her own
She don't need mine, so she leave mine alone
There ain't nothin thats more sexy
Than a girl that want, but don't need me
Lovely face
Nice thick thighs
Plus she got drive that matches my drive
Sexy Thang
She stay fly
All the while payin the bills on time
She don't look at me like Captain Save Em[She's Got Her Own Things Lyrics On http://www.elyricsworld.com/ ]
Gold Diggin, no she don't do that
Now she lookin me like inspiration
She wanna be complimentin my swag
And everything she got, she work for it, good life made for it
She take pride in sayin that she paid for it
Only kinda girl I want
Independent queen workin for her throne
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
Its cool I got it, I got it, I got it
Oh She say
Uh Uh, I got it, I got it, I got it
[Fabolous]
Don't make me laugh boo
Never did that bad too
Make you even have to
But even if I had to
Ask my better half to
You be more than glad to
When I do that math boo
You always try to add two
I need someone who'd ride for me
Not someone who'd ride for free
She said boy I don't just ride, She'll pull up beside of me
I had to ask her what she doin in that caddy
She said cause you my baby I'd be stuntin like my daddy
And theres not many, who catch my eye
We both wearing gucci, she match my fly
And thats why I, Suppose to keep her closer
Right by the side, toast and to host her
And that she went low so, cause you didn't know so
You can save your money dawg shawty getting dough so
What she care wit his cars, you can call her miss boss
I got it backwards, criss cross, shawty got her own
Got her own
I love her cause she got her own
She got her own
I love it when she say
Its cool I got it, I got it, I got it
I love it when she say
Uh Uh, I got it, I got it, I got it
4.
4.
CHRIST HAS COME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
You are in your car driving home. Thoughts wander to the game you want to see or meal you want to eat, when suddenly a sound unlike any you've ever heard fills the air. The sound is high above you. A trumpet? A choir? A choir of trumpets? You don't know, but you want to know... So you pull over, get out of your car, and look up. As you do, you see you aren't the only curious one. The roadside has become a parking lot. Car doors are open, and people arestaring at the sky. Shoppers are racing out of the grocery store. The Little League baseball game across the street has come to a halt. Players and parents are searching the clouds And what they see, and what you see, has never before been seen.
As if the sky were a curtain, the drapes of the atmosphere part.... A brilliant light spills onto the earth... There are no shadows... None.
From every hue ever seen and a million more never seen. Riding on the flow is an endless fleet of angels. They pass through the curtains one myriad at a time, until they occupy every square inch of the sky.
North... South. East. West.
Thousands of silvery wings rise and fall in unison, and over the sound of the trumpets, you can hear the cherubim and seraphimchanting, "Holy, Holy, Holy..." The final flank of angels is followed by twenty-four silver-bearded elders and a multitude of souls who join the angels in worship.
Suddenly, the heavens are quiet. All is quiet. The angels turn, you turn, the entire world turns and there He is... Jesus.
Through waves of light you see the silhouetted figure of Christ the King. He is atop a great stallion, and the stallion is atop a billowing cloud. He opens his mouth, and you are surrounded by his declaration:
"I am the Alpha and the Omega."
The angels bow their heads... The elders remove their crowns...
And before you is a Figure so consuming that you know, instantly you know: Nothing else matters... Forget stock markets and school reports: Sales meetings and football games.. Nothing is newsworthy... All that mattered, matters no more.. For Christ has come.
The love of God is like the ocean, you can see its beginnings but not its end.
ANGELS EXIST, but sometimes, since they don't all have wings we call them FRIENDS, SUCH AS YOU.
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